Intergalactic megatronic hangover.

Transformers  (Michael Bay, 2007) 

I couldn't actually believe myself but there I was, gripping the adjustable resters, gritting my teeth and feeling my toes curl up as the monstrous machines roared, rolled out and smashed its way downtown New York. I cheered and clumsily clapped at the antics to the discreet dismay of the lady beside me. Almost an hour before, I actually stood at a queue for fear that it might elongate to unmanageable proportions and to think I hate being in a theatre in the midst of noisy people. This is actually the first time I stood that long waiting for the next show (Tuesday LFS at that) and I dunno if it was coincidental that we had the meeting on the same mall I was suppose to watch the flick plus the torrential downpour outside that made me endure, but it sure as hell more than paid off.

I doubt that even half of the people who've watched Transformers here religiously followed the iconic intergalactic machines in the animated series, I myself can confess I can't remember a single episode of the ones I happened to watch. But the mania can't be stopped and the eager populace trooped and lined up. Probably a few only knew that we are actually one week ahead of its U.S. release date (July 4 or 6), but for piracy-centric third-world countries like the Philippines, this has proven to be a good marketing strategy that will somehow abate the proliferation of bootlegged copies of summer blockbusters which features the special participation of actual moviegoers in silhouettes.

So back inside the theatre. When the NBEs started mayhem down metro, a kid was videotaping himself running while saying something like "This is way cooler than Armageddon!". For a moment, I thought that was Bay himself admitting to usual crap but finally having come to terms with this one thanks to Spielberg. Many non-film buffs and ignoramuses actually thought Spielberg directed this one. Yes, this is definitely way beyond Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, not because Bay and his team are operating on a simplistic boy-and-his-car narrative but the visual splendor of the near-perfect CGI brought about uncontrollable action and energy that stirred everybody in their seats. There's Bay's usual military adventurism stuff and sometimes annoying camera movements but whatever irrationality there, was extinguished pronto by the super-agile, kung-fu-ass-kicking robots. Despite the whole Autobots team appearing during the near last third of the two-and-half-hour ride, they still proved to be the real kings of playground-Earth.

Perhaps that is one of the things that I could've wanted done - for Bay to actually spend time jazzing up each of the Bots. One that would create a bit of an impression and a stamp of individuality for Jazz and the rest of the gang other than their leader Optimus Prime and the favorite Bumblebee and the equal scene-stealer Megatron, who's locked up in cryostasis since the 1930s. Which brings me to the search for the main protagonist Sam Witwicky's grandfather's glasses which was dropped in the Arctic Circle during one his grandpa's expeditions. The glasses which Sam auctioned on eBay actually hold some map coordinates to the location of The Cube, the ultimate source of the Universe and the eventual destruction of Earth once Megatron has gotten his hands on it. The frozen Megatron found in the Arctic proves to be one of those top secret shit that explained the presence of Sector 7, an unknown agency even to US DND Secretary John Keller played by Jon Voight.

Another gem of this movie is casting Shia LaBeouf as Sam. He's quirky and his antics are done in perfect timing. The inevitable cheesiness of his quips are negligible thanks to his cunnning delivery. I couldn't have imagined anyone for the role which is no wonder why Spielberg believed in this boy errr guy so much. And that's probably why his character is loved and easily liked because he can be wacky, nerdy, goddamn serious and sometimes sexy in a geeky kind of way. I always thought Shia would be one of the next big things when I saw A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (For those who want to see Shia's dramatic thespic abilities, I suggest you go see this one.) The ultra-hot chicks Maegan Fox and Rachael Taylor not just appear to tantalize us with their curves but their characters packs some weight into the story as well. Josh Duhamel (is he and Fergie still a hot item?) plays the soldier and eager father whose first exploits with the Decepticons in the Qatar military base we saw during the opening salvo.

There is some good sound editing here despite the overbearing score which perhaps serves the purpose of upping the ante in needed scenes, say Shia on the verge of falling of a building while Megatron catches up. And the mechanical and electronic nature of the bots' voice prevents lines like, "I owe my life to you," or "we are in your debt", or the repetitive "more than meets the eye" from being too cheesy. Transformers really packs some neat shit and explodes in your face that you can't help but cheer like an eight-year old kid and not feel guilty about it. "I gotcha boy!," ensures Optimus, with me hanging on to Allspark and dear life. Sweet.